Rewind.

Prelude
I stumbled across a 30 day writing challenge via this lovely little blog: http://missisgoode.blogspot.com.au and figured I may as well attempt to do it over the month of May. As anyone who knows me could tell you my ability to stay focused is less than desirable, so I think this will be a nice way to put pen to paper once a day. Convenient it is that I had hand written the most of this following blog prior to stumbling across the challenge, and DAY 1 is to write about your current relationship or singleton status. Jackpot, the ground work is done. So here's my rewind to Valentine's Day, sorry it had to come a couple weeks late, but you know...


14.02.2014

Right in this moment I’m standing in my apartment in my fundies (fun undies that is), having just dropped my brother at the airport. It may seem too much info to you guys, but this moment is important you see. It's a right of passage and there is nothing more liberating than being able to walk about in as little clothing as you please - dare I say one could even strut in the buff! The time had come that I could finally christen the apartment and officially call it home. So here I stand in the kitchen (hygienic) making a pizza for one and drinking champagne. It’s a pants-less celebration on Valentine’s Day and being that I only have myself to romance myself, I figure why the hell not do whatever I please whilst the apartment is ALL MINE.

I settled in with a film [The Virgin Suicides] and got into the complete wrong frame of mind. Brilliant, brilliant film, but for tonight it appeared the wrong choice. So I sat on the couch feeling weird for a while, drinking a second glass of red wine. I sent a message or five to my girlfriend, who of course was snuggled up sweet and safe on the couch drinking champagne with her new fiancé (bitch.) She responded with a string of encouraging texts telling me to haul arse out of the apartment, and so I found the motivation to dance into some jeans and a singlet via Justin Timberlake, added bare minimal makeup and I dragged my single butt out on the town.

I lit a cherry cigar for faux confidence – you know the old keep your hands busy trick – as I stepped outside and walked the shore to the marina. I couldn’t quite decide whether it was torturous or empowering to be out on Valentine’s Day by myself. I was anxious, happy, curious and not sure if I wanted to cave in on the whole idea and just go home, back to the always tempting safety of ole faithful couch. Instead I stuck it out and hit my first stop, a little tapas bar on Jetty Road that I knew did half price mojitos. Nothing says party like a mojito.

I took a seat outside and watched the pedestrian traffic whilst sipping the drink. They had made it quite strong - no doubt because I was out by myself on date night - it was pretty damn delicious and it put a stupid smile on my face. When I finished up I made way for the jetty, lit up by the full moon and street lamps that paved the tourist strip. I power walked past the dawdlers of all generations; they held hands and took their time, savouring the romance as the moon glowed above head and the water was calm beneath. I was alone, but it felt surprisingly good.

I lit the other half of my cigar and inhaled too deep. It would burn tomorrow but for now I enjoyed the light-headed feeling that accompanied the overzealous inhalation. I let it consume me a moment, staring at the moon, ignoring the happy couples that surrounded me. I headed back to land a little slower, savouring the combination of the moon, the ocean and the lights of the Stamford hotel. I like it here. I spotted the daughter and parents team that had been at the tapas bar, I guess we took the same path of half priced drinks and a walk on the jetty. As they stepped onto the pier and I stepped off I shot them a smile, they didn’t notice of course, but I felt pretty solid with the fact that she was with her parents for Valentine's Day and I had the nerve to wander by myself.

I cut tracks to the bar over the bridge; I've been here before and know that it's many things but pretentious. I hit the bar and ordered what was to be the first of many gin & tonic's before taking a seat outside with a view of the TV (there was a kung-fu film on). I thought about Melbourne and how my girlfriends and I would go out together on Valentine's Day and dance the night away whilst drinking champagne. It was so easy. But here I am out by myself on the ultimate date night, and I've got to say it's quite liberating.

It wasn't long before a guy came over and asked to take a seat. We chatted for a while over drinks, and it was nice to have made a friend... or so I thought. As it turned out the whole boy and girl becoming friends conundrum came into play, and we went our separate ways. From there I hit the dance floor and had a great time dancing with strangers. I had no idea where he went. Before I knew it it was closing time, and I stood mentally alone out the front whilst a man drunker than I tried to piece together words next to me. For some reason I felt a little depressed, so I yelled bye as I ran down to the ocean.

I threw my sandals on the sand as I ran into the water and didn't care that from the knee down my jeans were soaked. It's funny how the beach just makes everything feel better, the infinite abyss. Walking along the sand I realised how dark it was, I had no idea where I had thrown my sandals, and to be honest I didn't care. I headed home with a smile on my face and an I don't give a damn attitude, and I honestly didn't. I was content as I wandered drunken, single and shoeless all the way home. It was just me, the last single girl of Glenelg, barefoot and loving it.

After getting home and of course eating the most of a can of Pringles (the perks of being single is you get all the Pringles!) I stripped down to my fundies, brushed my teeth and sprawled out in bed. Sure, it would have been nice to have someone to hold me like they mean right then, but for now I'm pretty content.

I mean really guys... I can't understand why I'm still single.

Day 1 down, 29 to go.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Postscript: Whether you're in a relationship or flying solo - it's all relative - the key is to love yourself unconditionally. And one day may we all find ourselves lucky enough to have found the love of another that is both unconditional and infinite, and we can accept that love because we know that we truly deserve it.