You know those moments when you question whether something is really happening, or perhaps it is all in your head. Do you have those? I have them frequently, even if I'm doing something simple like driving or peeing. I ask myself wait a minute, am I really here? Is it really me sitting on the toilet right now, oh shit! Am I peeing my pants in a public place? I don't feel wet, is wet an illusion, the chicken or the egg, are zombies cannibals on steroids… Questions like these constantly plague me, play on my anxiety, and have me questioning reality - occasionally, I mean I haven't lost my shit completely. I've always had an active imagination, but sometimes it worries me that I live there a little too much. Most of the time I love it though, and walk around with a stupid smile on my face that often causes my mum to ask what the hell are you thinking.
…about that time I made out with Ryan Gosling. That was definitely in my mind, not real, but 100% lusty and delicious all the same…
I'm never afraid to ask questions, if you don't know something just ask, it's better to be laughed at for asking than to pretend you know what the hell is going on, and being asked a question you can't bullshit your way through. Although, working in retail I've become quite the expert in bullshitting my way through conversations. I'm not entirely sure that is something I'm proud of or not, but I'm bloody good at it. Let it be known I don't apply this technique outside of work. I'm the champion of nodding my head in fierce agreement, smiling, and adding a totally at the end. And why not, if it makes someone feel better about themselves. I pride myself on not being an asshole about it though, I sure as hell wouldn't sell someone on something that looked epically shit on them, I want people to feel good about themselves.
One cold hard truth about the retail industry most us retail assistants are thinking, or have been thinking at one point or another in our years of duty, is that we don't particularly care for your life story. Although sometimes I (like others) do enjoy a good story, we mostly just don't give two shits. Especially when you lay down your negative energy on us, and your complaints, 'cause lord knows there is sweet fuck all I can do for you, and believe me as a fellow human being - I know, mind blown, we're just like you - we actually have our own shit to sieve through, don't make us take home yours as well.
I, as a shopper, actively attempt to not be an annoying little fucker, maybe this is because I've worked retail for so long, or perhaps I just have manners and a lack of self privilege. So why can you not reserve this attitude for me in return? I sure as shit won't bully someone over 'false advertising' as it's not their fault that their boss is a toss. Rhyming is fun. Have fun where you can, another rule of retail, or for life in general. Also, take any small win you can. End of year Christmas party - get drunk with your coworkers, just soak it up, and eat as much as you can too, if they allow doggy bags, bag up lunch for the next day. Yolo people, you're disposable anyway so don't lose sleep over the prospect of losing your job, just embrace your disposability. Once you accept that, you have nothing to lose.
Honestly, I actually enjoy my job for the most, there is just aspects that have me experiencing scary emotions and hostility, like wanting to punch someone direct in the face… these aspects generally take there toll this time of year. To work casual retail is to not bother to make plans, undoubtedly you will be called to work on that day if you do. It means truly treasuring a weekend, if you're lucky enough to get one. It is to go from a shitty 9 hour week in which you worry about survival to a 40 something hour week, but to only be told these hours as you go, so you know don't attempt to have a social life…
Am I complaining? well yeah, but that's only because people are assholes. Really mean mother fucking psychotic mentalists, and at this time of year, it's the worst. Merry fucking Christmas. Why do we do? The pay lovelies, it ain't half bad. Will I work Sundays and public holidays? Fuck yeah I will, make it rain, double time. There is also the hope - that we cling onto ever so dearly - that one day the flexibility will work, and we'll have time to do the things we really love, because trust me, we don't dream of selling crap to people that abuse and annoy us with petty bullshit for the rest of our goddamn lives. Nope. We're dreamers, dreaming every day of something bigger, or at least to have people hush, buy something, or get the fuck out.
Furthermore, next time anyone thinks about complaining about policy, quality control, and what is legal in any retail shop out there in the world, please take a moment to remember this one small detail, the poor asshole you're cutting loose at is just a pawn. Yep, a fucking retail pawn making the rich richer and getting no love for their hard work and you know, their soul. And don't even get me started on the state of car parking this time of year, it's just the cherry on top of the sickly sweet retail pie. And quite likely to be the final factor in me losing all sanity this festive season. Bring on 2015, a fresh canvas of possibilities. Or at the very least, no more Christmas nutter butter butt heads.
Merry Christmas everyone, key word, MERRY! I wish you all a fun time, and endless supplies of love.
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| Work life be like ^ |
Postscript: I don't know about you guys, but I've always kind of wondered what I'll look like with a shaved head, as a result of this and - mostly - losing my pop (grandpa) to cancer recently I've signed up to the Leukaemia Foundations World's Greatest Shave. Come Sunday March 15th - the day after I play bridesmaid to my bride girl Liz - I'm having my lengthy locks shaved right off, much to the delight of a few other girlfriends that all want to be the one that has the honour of the buzz.
Find me on the Leukaemia Foundation page here:
https://secure.leukaemiafoundation.org.au/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?RegistrationID=562999#&panel1-3
