Real. Mad. Love.

We all go a little mad sometimes
We make mistakes and then we learn
We fall in love - such a beautiful notion - and it can send us crazy
We are mad, we are strange, we are weird
It's all wonderful.

People aren't just people
We all have a story to tell
A reason behind our blemishes
Yet ultimately we're all human and we reek of imperfection
But I think that is what makes us such spectacular creatures.

We're all real, you, me, we.
We're real, and it really is beautiful a reality.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

The two-year test.

As children the most of us found it easy to make friends, furthermore we seemed happy enough to let these friends we made come and go without giving this action a second thought. As adults you may also believe it to be easy, but go ahead and ask yourself whether you have made solid friendships or whether a decent percentage of these friends you have made may just be fun acquaintances?

Please note there is nothing wrong with a fun acquaintance! But do take a moment to question who you simply could not live without.

Myself, I sure have made a whole lot of friends. But what truly blows my mind is when I meet someone that I can share every inch of my inner self with, no matter how dark a thought may be I can tell that person and they would never for a moment think to hold that against me. I have been very fortunate indeed to have met a lot real people that I have formed such strong & raw bonds with. But this piece is for just one person I've met along the way, someone whom I love more than words can express, & someone I quite simply could not live without.

Just yesterday I skyped with said person, unfortunately we live in different countries, and we both expressed our true emotions as to how we believe we could just be growing apart. Let's just say it wasn't long before we broke down in tears... Yes it were true that we had had big plans to spend the year together, and it was myself that ruined the dream. I had realised that I had a different path that was calling me, and it killed me that I was going to be so selfish, but what scared me the most was having to break the news. Yet once I had made up my mind for sure, I told my person and although clearly upset overall she had seemed fine - she was ready for the move, and so was I.

We went to our new destinations, and got caught up in our new lives. Time went by and we both experienced many changes and events which helped us grow further as people, yet with this growth we were experiencing in our separate cities we failed to realise the damage of our decreasing communication. Until around 9 months had passed and I discovered just how much I had disappointed my person all those months ago.

You see, we had never truly discussed our feelings on the subject, because I guess we had found it too difficult to express at the time (?) but finally the time had come in our relationship after two years of going from strength to strength, we were being tested. And once we lay everything out for each other, we actually felt like a weight had been lifted and we were able to talk as us again, and it felt fantastic.

My question now is why had we waited? Maybe we needed to experience some growth on our own to realise how much we need each other in our lives? Maybe we just thought it was easier to ignore the underlying problem? Whatever it was we had now officially gotten through our first raw test of friendship, and we promised each other that next time we have something to say we'll quite simply say it. Because in the end we're not children anymore, and no matter what it is - we're stronger than any problem.

C, you're stuck with me forever.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Postscript: On a friendly note I just want to say that every single person you meet along the way is worth knowing, whether you see it at the time or not. Appreciate each other.

I AM WOMAN!

After reading several disturbing stories in the media in relation to women's appearances, for example articles about fluctuating weights, signs of ageing & even shaming in general for whether one has or has not received a little help from the surgeons knife -and I wonder why one would be seeking this help? BECAUSE heaven forbid one age gracefully & naturally today, not when we live in a society that has pills to control your appetite, injections to suppress those wrinkles, surgeons to make you look young again. And sadly the list continues...

Well let me just say as a woman I've reached a point where I am officially sickened, because the harsh reality of it all is that the majority of people writing said articles are women themselves.
We have reached a point where many women actually believe that being a size 0 and having to wear children's clothing is sexy. Yes, gone are the days of womanly curves, curves equal fat in modern society, so go call your surgeon - get that extra junk sucked out of your trunk, post-haste.

Well you know what, I happen to know women around the globe of all ages, shapes and sizes, and let me just say they're all beautiful. Us women need to stop being manipulated by the media. We need to stand together and tell the world "We will not be moulded to fit the disillusioned view that modern society has created for us!"

Okay okay, I understand that sadly this scenario of a protest against the media isn't quite realistic, and that the media will undoubtedly never change their sickening ways. But understand this, we are not plastic, robotic beings, we are human beings. And if you want to know what being beautiful really is? Look at yourself in a mirror, and know that no matter what size clothing you wear, no matter what age you are, as long as you stay natural and hold your head high, YOU are what true beauty is.

Now, go on and strut your stuff Miss Thang!

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Novella extract.

Chapter ?:  Dirty delicious Swine.

Eleanor’s husband was always described as a pig.

No matter whom he met, man, woman and even child, every soul could agree upon one certainty – Eleanor’s husband was indeed dirty swine. As for Eleanor you may wonder, Eleanor is swell; a delightful woman that was slowly having her soul sucked right out of her being by said dirty swine, a dirty swine that had once offered her paradise only to supply her with a life of purgatory.

Once upon a time Eleanor decided to bake her husband a sweet cinnamon infused apple pie, homemade crust and all. There was no reason for Eleanor to bake this pie, other than to please her husband’s taste buds. As she heard the sound of fumbling keys outside the front door, she excitedly slid her delicate once young hands into her brand new electric red oven mitts. Giggling in delight Eleanor pulled the piping hot sweet apple pie out of the oven just in time to hold it out proudly to her husband as he placed his briefcase and hung up his coat.

Her husband walked through the archway to the kitchen to acknowledge his wife with his usual nod; she was smiling cheek to cheek, and he almost mustered the slight sign of a smile as he saw the pie “Ah… fresh peach pie, just what I need after the day I’ve had.”
Eleanor shuffled on her feet slightly as she tried to maintain her smile “Actually honey, peaches are out of season; but I make the meanest gosh darn apple cinnamon pie you’ll ever taste, you’ll just love it I…”

“Don’t assume I’ll love it” Eleanor’s husband spoke in patronizing displeasure “You cannot assume anything in life dear.”

Eleanor still holding the fresh pie forward turned to place the pie upon the counter as all traces of her smile diminished. Then the strangest thing, she found herself unable to place the pie and her hands began to tremble first slight and then intense, until it was completely out of control. Eleanor swung in turn, a ball of shaking rage, and threw the piping hot pie that had failed to please her husband – full force – directly into his pompous face. Shocked with her strength and actions, she found herself laughing. For Eleanor had finally cracked, and it felt wonderful as she heard her husband’s pain ridden shrieks. But this was not enough, she had tasted her husband’s pain and it was more delicious and satisfying than any other experience she had had during their 38 years of marriage.

38 years of marriage, 38 years of resentment and unhappiness.

Spotting the forgotten skillet sizzling upon the stove, Eleanor slid her hands – not so delicate after all – out of her oven mitts and turned to her pitiful husband as he sat crying over his melting face, offering a sickening smirk she reached for the skillet, “There, there honey, never you mind. Eleanor will take all the pain away… soon enough.” What followed next were a few hair-raising shrieks, and the most disturbing of cracks, as Eleanor laughed wild and gay whilst pounding the skillet over her swine of a husband’s skull. Pausing for a moment, as her husband lay motionless yet not quite dead upon the wooden oak floorboards she said “Honey, we simply must throw another dinner party. I was thinking, um, let me see, how does roast pork sound to you?”

And with one last thrust, Eleanor’s dirty delicious swine lay ready to be prepped and carved.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Silent noise.

I wake up around 2am and lay trying to fall back to sleep for an hour or so. Looking at the clock now it has ticked over 3.15am, and I curse my laptop for its obnoxiously bright screen. I haven't written anything in what seems like a lifetime, in reality it has been around one month. I'm not sure I can articulate myself anymore, and I feel like I could be blank - completely empty - but no, I'm not a robot - am I.

It's all just words, memories, fragments; a deafening silence in reality, yet an aggressive noise inside my head - Silent noise.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Who Dat ?

Although I am indeed living abroad I can't even begin to explain how overdue I am for a no fuss getaway! Just a little escapism into some relatively unknown territory, and maybe just a little 'I don't give a fairy floss' behaviour... who knows what will happen? Two weeks is longer than you think.

Today I find myself packing my bags - more difficult a task than I originally thought, and tomorrow I'll find myself flying sky high in the clouds above, and come midday Thursday (London time) I'll be hugging my brother and his lovely girlfriend for the first time since April. I am more than excited about this, but even more exciting is the fact that one week from now I'll be having a dramatic airport reunion at Gatwick with my partner in crime (Since June 2010) as she arrives back to her home of choice - London. All I can say about that is lookout London, 'Who Dat' is back!

There will be vintage flair a plenty, mini road trips, hiking, exploration, market strolling, overconsumption, greasy chips as a result of said overconsumption, and a lot of silly fun times with some ridiculously lovely souls. Yet, I've got to say even just getting lost in my imagination about all the adventures that lay ahead of me for the next couple weeks, there is one thought that keeps creeping its way into my mind and making me smile the most. The thought of coming back to my home of choice.
Go figure.

Who Dat! London.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

3 Week Sweetheart.

Sweetheart

I have a voice
You have a voice too don't you?
So maybe we could converse sometime
Because I think you're just lovely
And they say I'm a sweetheart
Together? Well, we'd be simply delicious
Delicious like candy
Whadda ya say?
Let's grab a pint
And let the words flow.

3 weeks (extract)

It had been exactly three weeks when we saw each other again.

Nothing had changed, and everything has changed.

We shared a lifeless hug, were we just pretending not to feel?

We were definitely excited, too excited.

I sat upon the couch anxious and alive, to the point that I felt as though I wasn’t myself anymore.

I hadn’t felt so goddamn good, not for exactly three weeks.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

our minds are both a curse & a gift.

Sitting down all day and waiting is horrible enough. Sitting down all day and waiting when your brain just can't piece its puzzle of thoughts together? Well my friend, that is hell. Well it's hell for someone who claims to be a writer. It's not that I have been slacking, no no no, I'd never, my brain (the bastard) is just on some kind of unpaid sabbatical and thus I am a blank canvas. Rendered useless, at this particular point in time.

...I sit an empty vessel,

I sit, I sat, in spot.

I sit upon this spot I sat,

Useless is my thinking cap...

You see what I mean! What is that? And so it goes I have had a little love/hate relationship form with my reliable friend Tanqueray Gin, and then there is the whole sleep issue, am I nocturnal? And then! The 'heart issues', anxiety, anti-socialness (contradiction) fear of loneliness, fear of zombie apocalypse, irrational thoughts? Zoning out and just nodding my head...

On the positive side of the spectrum, I've built some pretty special bonds, I've grown/I'm growing, and I definitely still love life and the person that I am shaping into, I even still enjoy my own company when I'm not frustrated at my bastard brain. Although when it's all said and done, I can't shake the feeling that in some sick way I may just enjoy the torture.

I guess I am a writer after all.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Dream intrusion - Nov.2011

I lay my head to rest,

But rest do I not.

I lay my head and dream,

The strangers come in flocks...

People, places, passing strangers,

Living in my mind.

Who are you, what are you?

How dare you take my time!

Imposing, inputting,

Are these thoughts even mine?

They come alive at night,

Adventures they will bring.

Scary? happy? curious?

They can't make up their mind.

Sometimes I evolve them,

Sometimes I let them die.

Morning, night or day,

My dreams shan't go away.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

I heart couch.

I sit & contemplate on my couch,
I eat cereal & drink coffee on my couch,
I watch TV & listen to music on my couch,
I write adventures on my couch,
I sleep on my couch,
I once made love on my couch,
It's not really 'my' couch...
But I love it.

RUN FOX RUN
Silly little fox must've bumped her head
Knocked unconscious - yet certainly not dead
Silly little fox, RUN FOX RUN!
No one fox should have this much fun
Silly little fox let your heart be still
Haven't you heard love can kill?
Silly little fox won't be preached
She finds this advice better breached
For little fox is not so silly after all
Little fox knows living is well worth the fall.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

I'm still here!

I woke up wide awake at 6am this morning, to me this sounds bad enough, but upon realising it is indeed a Sunday, oh man - the horror! Although... It is ticking over 8am now, and I have already researched mobile phone contracts, caught up with my Facebook and email responses, and I'm blogging! I feel like it has been a while since I last blogged.

Since my last blog I have partied a little too hard, said happy 1st birthday to the worlds most awesome baby, travelled to another country, been involved in one of the most beautiful musically creative sessions EVER (why yes, yes I do get carried away in every experience I have). And to think I now have a half a year abroad! In a way you could say my year is only beginning.

I want to thank all my beautiful Melbournites for their love and consistency in my life, for managing to understand my needs to travel and not holding it against me in anyway. You are all forever. AND thank you to my 'family' in Los Angeles for welcoming me back with open arms. I can't explain just how alive I feel whilst being in your presence, you are all so wonderfully creative and I am a better person for having known you.

So with all that mushy crap out of my system allow me to get random.

It was dark down there, but I didn't care.
I've been bruised and battered, but non of it mattered.
I walk forward, backwards and to the side.
I see you, don't pretend to hide.
I want it all, hand in hand.
Hover over, never land.
I want what I want! And I'm going to get it.
But for now I just want something delicious.

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

2012 (& the end of the world?)

Because the entertainment industry made a film about 2012 bringing the world's end, I made the choice to really make the most of my life this year... Not that I actually bothered to watch the film, nor have I not been fulfilled by my lifestyle so far. I've traveled to about 24 countries (counting off the top of my head) and have met the most amazing people. I'm going to go as far as to say that I feel blessed, but on the other hand it is but only human nature to want more out of life, am I right?

I am currently working on my first novel, learning how to play an instrument (banjo), and as ridiculous as this may sound coming from a 25 year old - I am learning to love and respect my body on both the inside and out. So far this year is shaping up to provide me with great new achievements and many new adventures, and I can't help but finally be happy with me. What an amazing feeling it is. I never could have got to this point in life without the help of every single person I have met along the way, because it is indeed true that every person you meet in life helps shape your path in one way or another whether you realise it or not. I believe that there is one person who took the largest role in shaping me into the person I am, that person is both my brother and now my best friend.

Aaron convinced me to travel with him 4 years ago now, and we traveled all through the America's and met many different faces along the way. Not only did this trip open my eyes to a world of diverse cultures, but it also made me realise that the whole work, save, house plan was never my own - there is just too much fun to be had gallivanting the world! Since the first big trip I have been abroad by myself one time, and traveled parts of Europe and Asia with my brother (again). And currently I have one month left until I leave for Los Angeles to spend the summer getting the creative juices flowing with some of the most wonderfully creative souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'll also take 2 weeks to see Aaron in his soon to be 'new home' London, not to mention catching up with my number 1 (it's been almost 2 years since we first met - abroad of course).

I can't finish this entry without mentioning my friends and family at home in Melbourne. You are all such inspirational and beautiful souls, that not only mean the world to me but also make me feel comfortable to go out and experience the world and KNOW that I always have a home with you.

I guess I'm getting soft in my old age ;)

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Left foot, right foot.

Life doesn't stop for anything, it really is that simple. You just have to keep rolling with it, one foot after the other, although I have to admit I don't mind the idea of an out of body experience, watching life like you watch the old idiot box. Surely you have all had that thought, in which something happens in life and you feel like "Shit, is this real? Am I here?!" or alternatively you just wish you were watching someone else's life, because this surely is not happening to you. I've got to say I don't really have any direction with this particular rant, I'm just having a nice verbal vomit of it all, and sometimes that's all I need. I just wonder if anyone ever has these moments. Or maybe I need to reevaluate my thought process?

I'm almost positive my cat thinks he is a human, I don't think that makes him crazy, just even more so charming to me. Sometimes I like my men to think they are a cat. No. Not really. I don't like things to be 'regular' life isn't meant to be ordinary. Sometimes all I want to do is dance. Do you ever wish life could be a musical? Sometimes I do, than I quickly realize that it would actually annoy the joy out of me. No one likes musicals that much, I don't care for your rebuttal.

I try to appreciate everyone I meet in life, even those whom you can't help but label a baboon. Everyone has something going for them, even if you don't see it - someone else will. I know this is ridiculous, but I can't help but pick apart every little thing in my mind - or just go forth in living the scenario out in my head. Sometimes when someone doesn't respond to a message (social media or mobile) I think that person is pissed at me, or worse so - bored of me. The latter it can't be, surely it can not be! I'm anything but generic, or at least I like to think I'm not.

Anyway I guess I'll just keep moving forward, try not to clog my mind with useless worry, positivity is the key. I know who my people are, and I believe that they are brilliant, interesting and the best of the worlds crop. Left foot, right foot... Yeah, we've got this down.

&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.

Procrastination Nation.

Why is it that my mind can not stay focused on one thing at a time? Instead I find myself starting one activity and suddenly, somehow? I find myself wasting precious time on social mediums such as Facebook, Youtube & now that I've started a blog, Blogger too. What am I doing? Why is it so easy to get side tracked? Hell, I could even spend all day 'googling' even if I have nothing in particular to search for. And the thing about Google is that you can search for anything, it is both terrifying and endlessly awesome - not to mention helpful, I'm sure it's helpful (?).

Can you even imagine a world with out Google & Facebook? I can't seem to anymore. And let me tell you, that is DISGUSTING. On a positive note, I have given up having a mobile phone, people find this strange. I guess I am a little strange, and I'm cool with it... How are we going to get in touch you ask?
Facebook me bitch.

Oh, and don't even get me started on acronyms and short handing words, it makes me feel physically ill! And the worst part? It's all sliding it's way in to today's society. It's the 'norm'. You know what else it is? It is totes B.S. FURTHERMORE! If you want to laugh in life, that's just beautiful. But don't be throwing your 'lol' at me, I'll smash my banjo over you noggin - or at least imagine doing so in my mind - violence is never really the answer.

End rant.

&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.


ps: WE ARE NOT ROBOT CLONES! We're real life, and everyone you meet is unique - as much as they may try to fight it.

Unity

UNITY
I'll smile at a stranger to restore faith in humanity.
I'll travel the worlds grounds to try find some sanity.
Sharing the love and respect for my brothers.
Holding the hands of my sisters and mothers.
We're all just human fight as we may.
Forget about hate and spread love for a day.


LOVE RAP

I want a world where anything is possible,
Love and unity they are unstoppable.
I want to hear that freedom is true,
Don't want to be caged monkeys in a zoo.
Brainwashed by the media? It can't be,
No ones receiving no surgical lobotomy.
We need to feel to know life is real!
So you've got hate? Baby time will heal.
Grab the hands of your sisters and your brothers,
Don't forget your mothers and your fathers.
Grab those hands and hold them tight,
Because NOW is the time for us to unite.
Choose love over hate,
Take a sweetheart out on a date.
Choose peace over violence,
Talk up NOW don't be silenced.
In the end We've only got one shot at this,
And my friends life's too good to miss.


&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.

Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Does it bother anyone that holding hands seems to be an act of the past?

Does it bother anyone that lust seems to conquer love?

Does anyone remember what it is to be romanced?

Does anyone remember butterflies in your tummy at the mention of a sweethearts name?

Does anyone believe that you can feel true love with but a single kiss?

Does anyone believe that we're not alone, and we all have a soul mate?

It bothers me.

I don't remember.

I believe! In The Beatles...

I want to hold your hand.

&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.

PS:  Love is not just a four letter word, it is everything.

From start to finish...

The other day I found my old poetry book, and upon reading it I couldn't help but cringe.

Could anyone have seen this? Lying under the pile of crap that is my unfinished scrapbook from my 2008 travels. Furthermore, do I ever finish anything I start? This is worrying...

I bought a bicycle to learn how to ride again, this was early 2011.

It arrived via a courier in your stock standard white van that resembles what I imagine a pedophile to drive, this is obviously not important. The point is that I put that bicycle together that day, the bell was broken (you pedophile van driving bastard). And within the next couple of days I attempted to ride my fire engine red bicycle, glorious a moment as this should have been the wheels didn't seem to work (who put this shit together?). I soon had my father fix the wheel issue and I proceeded to cycle around the court, 2 or 3 times...

I went into the garage the other day and saw my bicycle, with it's broken bell and wicker basket, it has been a year since I even looked at it. Under the layer of dust and cobwebs, I'm positive it still glistens in sunlight.

I won a Banjo on Ebay the other day, it should arrive in the mail soon. I can't wait to learn an instrument, I was a natural on the old Organ when I taught myself to play as a kid, from memory I played it for quite a few months. I also had my parents buy an Acoustic Guitar second hand from a classmate in High school, my brother enjoyed playing it, I finally hand it returned to me a couple days ago, about 8 years too late.

But seriously, the Banjo is going to be fun. All I have left to do is keep my eye out for the friendly neighbourhood delivery man, in his pedophile van.

Here's some poetry:

Lost in thoughts of love. 2003.

I cry, do you see the tears?

I'm making the river, drowning in my own thoughts.

Will I not find my heart, will I never feel love?

Will I always be in pain, be scared, be alone.
I do not float, just keep going under,

Yet I never hit the bottom.

I am still alive with this disability to love,

I am here and remain thinking, pain never stops.

For my life is a puzzle, that has shattered to the floor,

I'm getting it back together, although it is hard;

For one piece is missing, it has disappeared,

And this piece, it is my heart.

I can not feel love, nor be loved in return,

Do you see my problem? I can not get what I desire.

I can not be held nor touched, I am forbidden,

For my ability to love is gone, it is lost.

So I still remain thinking, and I cry,

I'm in my river of tears for I am alone.

Hoping to find the missing piece, wanting to be alive again.

I want to love and be loved in return.

I wrote that little diddy when I was 16 years old, I think at that point in time I had kissed about two boys. But that right there is intense.

Furthermore, there is plenty more poetry where that came from, I just don't care for the embarrassment.

&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.

Intro-babble.

Starting ones own blog is not as easy a task as this one girl imagined. But I have made the promise to myself that I will blog my heart out ...eventually... although I can't promise anyone that actually decides to 'follow' my blog that it will in fact interest you, I like to babble on, and I believe the best conversations in life can be the ones without any direction or purpose.

The stuff and things you are likely to find on &.the.Bohemian.girl are as follows:

- writing/literature stuff and things

- music stuff and things

- fashion stuff and things

- film stuff and things

- travel stuff and things

And most importantly an erratic flow of babble (in regards to stuff and things)...

So all that's left to do is kick back and relax – whilst I tell you all about it.

Love, peace & good vibes to everyone around the globe.

&.the.bohemian.girl. xx.