What if?

WARNING!

There's some profanity at hand, and well... shit's gonna get a little weird. But if you're into it? Carry on.

Sometimes I’m curious about what would happen if a zombie apocalypse actually begun (yes, again with the freaking Zombies). It could be fun, it most definitely wouldn’t be dull at the very least. But a lot of people would die, and cannibalism would be ‘in vogue’ and ultimately I’d rather people keep trending on veganism as it’s better for your soul – and you know life – but what if?

Living like pirates is definitely the most popular choice to play out the zombie virus, yet don’t you think the longer you live at sea the more bat shit crazy you’ll become? Seriously, you’ll end up seeing and even doing some things that you’d (hopefully) never have dreamt of doing or seeing before. You’d pillage and even kill other sea pirates for their spoils, without been sure they had anything worth killing for, shit – you wouldn't have a second thought about it, it's just survival. Don’t you think that kind of makes you as bad as those bloody zombie bastards? Think about it, you became a pirate to escape the zombies that were running around eating every single thing with a heartbeat, and now boom! You aren't eating other people (or are you?!) but you're happy to shoot a bitch in the face for some canned beans.

Honestly I couldn’t even imagine punching someone without feeling remorse, even if someone had said something and totally deserved my fist in their face ­– I couldn’t help but feel a little conflicted. How the hell am I suppose to shoot someone? Or stab them with my homemade death blade? OR aim my arrow at their gullet? Shit, I don’t even have any archery training, and I've never even seen a real gun! I’m not prepared for this! I CAN’T BE A PIRATE TODAY!!!!! Just give me the rum and I’ll steer the ship, I’m better at everything when I’m drunk.

And how about those teen vampire novels? (Smooth transition...) Who wants to bang some dead un-ageing freak that can put his supernatural baby inside of you. How does that work anyway? I mean him producing sperm is ridiculously far fetched, in fact him being able to get a hard on is quite frankly unbelievable. Bravo dead Sir, Bravo. Seriously though, if any of you have to have sex with a supernatural ‘hottie’ (IRK!) do it with a werewolf. Firstly he has a heartbeat, and if that isn’t enough to persuade you? You're already bat shit crazy, and I think you'll make a good goddamn pirate.

Fucking Twilight.

Maybe Isaac Marion (Author: Warm Bodies) has it all figured out? ...now pucker up you gorgeous ghoul you, I'm gonna bring you back to life!

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.

Carla vs Karma.

As Carla spilt red wine on her white cocktail dress her distress brought a smile to her friends face, “Oh no, is it coming out?”
She was rubbing fiercely at the stain, with little to no effect. “I think it’s ruined" she almost shrieked in displeasure "RUINED!!!!"

Her friend’s smile was twisted with a slight tremor as she did her best to suppress her laughter. ‘Carla is a bitch’ she thought, ‘this is hilarious’ her mind giggled, ‘tonight might not be so horrible after all…’ she wondered as Carla’s substantially beautiful brother strolled to the table in stitches at his bitchy sister’s misfortune. “Drop dead Troy!” screeched Carla as she stormed out of the room; all the men watching her arse sway side to side like a snake slithers in the sun.

Troy turned to me and winked “It’s safe to laugh now Wendy.”

&.the.bohemian.girl.xx.